Where Most Self-Improvement Approaches Miss the Mark

Most self-improvement programs are built on the belief that there is something broken inside that needs fixing. This kind of approach fosters a “deficit” mindset causing us to focus on what is wrong, rather than magnifying what is right with us. It creates a “lacking” feeling, born out of the belief that we are inadequate or not whole. It is a painful irony that all the striving to find the “problem,” and then tinkering to try to fix the “problem,” is actually exacerbating the human condition, making us feel worse and hindering our performance—this kind of approach keeps us focused on the wrong things and keeps us stuck in our “brokenness.”

The actual path to inner peace is not in trying to fix what is “wrong” with you. True inner peace comes with realizing that deep inside, at your core, is goodness, perfectness, and wholeness. Imagine living with this belief and letting go of all the stress and strife of trying to fix yourself, letting go of the kind of burden and shame that comes from thinking and believing that you’re not enough.

Just like Michelangelo’s approach to carving the statue of David, the path to true peace is about simply identifying and releasing the rough edges—such as flawed paradigms, self-limiting beliefs, and toxic emotions—so that our true self can emerge.

If you, like most of humanity, have struggled with the self-limiting belief that you are not enough and then tried to compensate by acquiring, achieving, or winning something in an effort to make you feel better about yourself, then you have probably discovered that the lift you get from those “victories” is usually short-lived. This is because our deeply held subconscious beliefs are persistent and powerful. So all the striving, trying, and thinking about how to make yourself feel better will ultimately be trumped by what you believe deep down about yourself.

With this understanding we begin to see the futility in trying to fix, change, or improve our lives from anything less than a foundational understanding of our divine worth which enables us to emphatically declare, “I am enough just as I am, I am OK, I am intrinsically whole.” Without that core belief you may achieve some successes, even a lot of successes, but still feel empty inside; you may manifest a bigger house only to feel less at home, or you may earn a bigger paycheck only to become broke at a higher income bracket because the fundamental false concept about yourself hasn’t changed. Here is the bottom line:

If you continue to try and plug the holes inside yourself with things from the outside, you will always feel at some level that it is not enough so long as you feel like you are not enough.

Many great teachers through the ages have taught that it is the consciousness of wholeness that heals. This perfect wholeness is in all of us and it came with us when we were born into this world. Even with our less desirable traits we may have inherited, we also have threads of our Divine Creator’s perfect DNA inside us. This is why I say, even with all of our challenges, there is a place inside of each of us that is whole and good and of great worth. Here’s the cool part—we don’t have to earn this inner wholeness, we don’t have to achieve it, we don’t even have to make it happen—all we have to do is make it welcome. 

How do we do this? Here is the answer: To the extent that we are not experiencing our inner goodness simply means that we are not tuned into it. Think of your favorite radio station? How do you get to enjoy music on that station? You tune in to it by finding the right dial, the right frequency. You didn’t have to create the music, and you didn’t have to understand all the engineering and technology behind your radio. You simply allowed the music to play by tuning into the right station. It is the same with us—once we tune in to the right frequency we can feel the music of our soul that enables us to come alive and dance and sing with passion. 

At this point you may be thinking, “How do I find this frequency?” To find the right channel, first ask yourself this question: “What would it look like if I really loved, validated and respected myself?” If you contemplate this question with sincerity in your heart you will start to get glimpses of what this would look like and feel like. Some examples of what you may hear back could include, “I would feel joy and excitement…I would be eager to see what life brought me next…I would exercise and take better care of myself…I would eat healthier foods…I would spend more quiet time with myself…I would start painting again…I would pursue my dream career…I would speak my truth more…I would spend time in nature… I would look for opportunities to help others…I would play with my children more often.” That’s Step 1.

Step 2 is actually taking some action on what you hear and letting the good feelings grow within you. When you start acting on your Inner Guidance, the radio frequency of this channel will become clearer with less static, and you will start to activate the vibration of your true self. As you continue to honor this guidance from within it will awaken the wonderful feelings associated with your higher true self, and you will be in the process of activating your own divine power…perhaps for the first time in your life.

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